The drive home.

Last night, I took a taxi home. As I got in, the driver noticed that I looked tired at the end of very long day and I confirmed that, "Yes, I am definitely ready to be home." I asked how long he worked and he said, "I work every day, 12 hours a day."

We talked a bit more and I asked about his family and why he worked so much. Sure enough, he told me what I already knew -- that it's hard to get by these days as everything costs more and more, children and spouses need more and more and he feels like he can't stop working or he won't be able to keep up. As we drove along the F.D.R. in Manhattan, we talked about the media and the constant advertisements which push and push and push more and more goods onto us, with lower and lower quality so they have to be replaced often at increasing prices. He told me how helpless he feels when his daughter asks for something (already at only 2 years old!) and he feels he must give it to her because he is seldom home and how his spouse often shops for new things just to feel better, even with a closet full. Even his job now required him to buy a new GPS navigator and we both laughed when I asked rhetorically, "How did cab drivers navigate the streets of New York 30 years ago? Has New York really changed that much?"

It is sad to me when someone feels trapped on such a mouse's wheel. He must work to buy even more things, which means he is gone from home every day and is missing his child's growth and development, which makes him feel guilty so he gives her more things, which means he must work more hours. How do you get off the wheel?

I have so many childhood memories that revolve around time with my family. We took vacations together, went fishing, saw movies, attended church. True, I watched a lot of TV, but mostly this was when I was alone after school as my generation became more and more a battalion of latch-key children. One summer, we drove from New Mexico to Disneyland -- my parents, brother, sisters and me -- SEVEN of us in an Impala! -- of course, seatbelts weren't the norm and so I often sat on the hump in the backseat or slept on the long window ledge. My parents both worked in the family business and yet, we ate dinner together most evenings -- at the table, not in front of the television. We talked about our days, politics and obscure ideas like morality and justice. My mind was awakened during this time -- imagine a house of seven people, genetically linked but swapping opinions left and right as if we'd just met! Not long ago, I watched home movies taken by my parents over the years. We were a normal, middle-class family and still, as the camera panned the house, I was surprised to see how simple the house was -- a picture or two on the wall, a comfortable sofa, a television. I was even more struck by the difference in that home and today's middle-class home, bursting with things from Wal-Mart and BestBuy, groaning under the weight of clothes and toys and videos and computers and stuff and stuff and even more stuff of decreasing quality, lived in by people all moving in separate directions. Over stimulated, over-fed and disconnected from one another.

Last week, I heard a radio interview on The Economist podcast where the guest (a renowned economist no doubt) was discussing the poor countries of the world and he said something that completely threw me off. Paraphrasing here, he said, "So many poor countries could be doing so much more to participate in commerce and in improving their standard of living. Sure when you go to a poor farm or village, the people may SEEM happy, but you can't help but think how much better life could be for them if they just had more money." Imagine that! "Pity the poor, but happy farmer -- let's get him to a shopping center immediately so he can have as much unmet desire as the rest of us. THEN he'll truly be happy!" Incredible!

We are rich today, by any material standard. But, like my driver last night, our material wealth buys us little peace and costs us time with ourselves and with those we love.

So, can we get off of the wheel? No surprise, but it is a choice we make every time we say, "Yes" to an advertisement or to the pressure from others to "keep up." We give away our own power to decide our worth every time we agree that, "Yes, I would be better/smarter/more attractive if only I had a new car/computer/shirt." Does this mean that I'm opposed to shopping or buying or trading? NO, not at all! I LOVE to shop, too. But my practice now is to shop for more often for I need and less often for what I want.

• Do I need a brand new car? No, I need reliable transportation -- so I have a used car.
• Do I need Nacho Cheese Doritos? No, my mind might think I do but my body knows better and understands that I need an orange or an apple, not a deep fried plastic-food-laced corn chip.
• I just bought some new tennis shoes after five years; did I really need them? Yes or maybe yes. My old pair had been making my feet hurt for awhile so I shopped for something reliable at a fair price. I could have looked at 2nd hand shoes, but there's something odd about wearing used tennis shoes (and wasn't I replacing an already-used pair anyway?) and I am fortunate to live in America with access to affordable goods. So I shopped.

The trick is to buy things when I NEED them, not just when I WANT them because I'm sad, lonesome, celebrating, turned-on or whatever. And because I'm shopping less, I'm enjoying it more.

Here are some questions to ask yourself before heading out to the Halls of the Malls of America:

1. Is this something I NEED or something I WANT?
2. Is this something I would get if no one was pressuring me?
3. Am I shopping because an advertisement told me this would make my life better?
4. If it's a durable product, will it really last?
5. If it's food or drink, is it really good for my body, overall wellness and mind?
6. Can I pay cash for it or do I have to go into debt? Will the debt outlast the pleasure?
7. What would my life be like without it?
8. How many minutes, hours or days must I work to earn the money to pay for it?
9. How could I use that time if I spent it instead with my family, friends or Self?
10. Is this something I NEED or something I WANT?

Here's a link to some information on "Affluenza" -- a PBS video and book that discusses the problems our growing consumer society has with acquisition. Start here. Or here.

Om shanti, Om peace
धर्मशक्ति